Starting Over

Life lesson: Starting over is all new.

When I was in my 70s, my world crashed. I was retired, had no encumbrances, and was ready to thoroughly enjoy life. Then my loved one started showing signs of dementia (Alzheimers). That put a stop to everything. My entire life had to be reprogrammed.

We had built a gorgeous house on a spectacular lake. It was breathtaking and in a dream-fulfilling country. We had built it with the thought of dying there. All of a sudden, it didn’t seem like a good place to die. We didn’t have history there. We knew some people, but most were strangers. The medical resources were not what I considered top-of-the-line. My loved one had previously become a patient in a highly-regarded medical center for a different condition. How can you compare local medical care with a major medical center?

So the decision was made to sell the house. We moved back to a more familiar place. Where we had first met. Where we were once young. Where we fell madly in love with each other. Where we loved the land, had wonderful memories. Home.

So the house was sold and all the property. We moved home. We left a few friends, which was hard, and I became a caretaker. My entire focus was to make life as meaningful as possible for as long as possible, which was 10 years. It would’ve taken longer for death to take her from me if it had not been for an accidental fall. That fall is what took her in the end.

When I finally looked up from my caregiving focus, the entire world had changed. All of our previous friends were dead. Some were lost to cancer, some had cardiac problems and others had contracted infectious diseases. Those friends died in their 60s. How cruel.

There was a new culture. The language was different. The rules of social interaction had changed.

I was basically alone. How frightening to believe I was not only alone, but had developed mobility issues on top of my life-long social anxiety.

When your loved one has dementia, you don’t venture out much. You don’t meet new people. You are always fearful your loved one may do something embarrassing. You have no chance to develop positive social interactions.

How could I, a successful business person, an educator and innovator, re-enter life? Of course, I would develop a “re-enter life after death” plan.

My plan was as follows:

1. Assess my situation. Assessment was easy as I already knew my issues and that they were formidable.

2. Define my objectives.

   1. Meet new people.

   2. Find new interests.

   3. Expand personal horizons.

   4. Re-establish pastimes from my previous life.

   5. Find ways to fill what seems to be an endless amount of time.

   6. Find something that brings me joy.

3. Take action and implement the plan.

   1. Walk. Other people walk and some enjoy a chat.

   2. Define something I always wanted to do and make the effort to do it. You never know what you’re capable of until you make a solid effort.

   3. Recall activities before becoming a full-time caretaker and begin again. Maybe it was word games, puzzles or even Etch-A-Sketch. Do it.

   4. Read books or magazines. Better yet — read a blog.

   5. Write. Begin a journal. Or better yet — write a blog entry.

   6. Reward myself. Treat myself to dinner, a movie, a computer or even a new car.

4. Evaluate progress.

   1. I walk the dog and meet people on the street.

   2. I invited friends and family to visit.

   3. I read.

   4. I write.

   5. I fish.

   6. I try to keep busy.

If you are starting a plan, it may not look like mine. You are unique. And remember…You are special.

We are going through a hard time. Contact me if you get stuck.

Let me know how you are doing. I care.

Sincerely,

Lynn Brooke

© 2023 Our New Chances.

Photo credit: © 2023 Rachel Gareau