Life lesson: Too quiet is too much.
Shush! What? This isn’t a library! This is my home.
I can’t stand the quiet. How can it be so quiet? My wife died a little while ago. Even when she was sitting quietly and reading a book, she somehow made noise. Now I have to turn on the TV because even the dog doesn’t make any noise.
Do you find yourself sleeping too much? Are you indifferent about your appearance? Are you drinking too much alcohol or eating too much? Do you shop online or by phone simply to have purchases delivered in order to hear a knock on the door and interact with the delivery person?
This is a state many widows face after the death of our loved ones. I have done some of those things due to the silence. Too little noise can be unnerving and may lead to unhealthy behaviors.
Hopefully, I can offer a few suggestions to help ease the emptiness, pain and despair you are feeling and create some noise. While I am not a therapist, licensed or otherwise, it’s possible these suggestions will help. I don’t claim to have surefire answers. My expertise is that I have been there. I, and others, have utilized the following to help create noise and fill the silence.
Do turn on the TV or radio if you are among those of us who crave a little bit of noise. Many of us feel more alive when there is some type of background noise.
Do make a list of friends who are widowed or single, regardless of their age, to communicate with and utilize conversation to fill the silence.
Do participate in an activity, whether it be working a puzzle, knitting or sewing, bouncing a ball or building a birdhouse. The specific activity isn’t important, but the distraction is vital.
Do call someone on your list of friends and arrange an outing.
Do reintroduce yourself to a former club, volunteer, or participate in local community activities and/or religious organizations.
Do write about your loved one. Journals are an excellent plan or you can even write a letter to your loved one to let them know how much they are loved and missed. While a letter may seem difficult, it can provide a place to “express” feelings. Sometimes it’s soothing to be able to get emotions out.
Do not call friends who are still part of a couple if this leads to increased feelings of loneliness or solitude.
Do not be afraid to cry or show grief. Tears will help your “Pots of Promise” grow. I shed buckets of tears.
None of these ideas will completely obliterate the pain of loss, but they can help. Your tears will help your “Pots of Promise” grow.
Let me know how you are doing. I care.
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Photo credit: © 2023 Rachel Gareau
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