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Our Vulnerable Selves




There were boxes of records, medical, tax and reminder notes. They had to be sorted, some kept for tax purposes, but most shredded.


I got to it today. I put the tax records in storage and shredded the medical records.


In a matter of a few hours, the years of worry and suffering were diminished to shreds, like dust.


Abdominal surgery, adhesions, lung tumor, thyroid problems, cancer, gallbladder, flu, Rheumatoid arthritis, chemo, heart, pacemaker, preventive vaccines and dementia over our lifetime.


I didn’t go with her to the doctor at first. It seemed like an invasion of her privacy and independence.


One of my big “What Ifs” was what if I would have intervened earlier, prevented some of the resulting problems and conditions? Guilt can build up in a hurry.


Part of loving and caring for another is just that. You do what you can do and what you think is best.


There are symptoms of illness and various conditions. They have to be interpreted. Are they just flu or benign, something that will just go away? Decisions? Decisions?


There are doctors’ appointments to be made. Finding one or ones that are knowledgeable and patient friendly.


Then there are medications and/or surgeries.


Recovery.


More appointments.


Hours on the phone.


Hours in the doctors’ offices.


Hours of accumulated travel.


Hours of worry and concern.


Work. Someone has to bring in a paycheck.


Some people are more immune and generally healthier than others. They have good genes, good diet, good exercise and good health habits.


Some do not want to go to the doctor until reality invades and conditions get to the point of crisis. Stoicism prevails. Treatment is more intensive and invasive, no dentist, no teeth.


When we love someone, we take on these tasks. We take on the worry. We take on the minute investigation of every little sign of trouble. We adopt our schedule to the medical one.


How could we not?


I drove the miles and worried the worry, and got the pills and winnowed the docs. I couldn’t keep illness at bay. I couldn’t cure Dementia.


I have to keep reminding myself that I did the best I could. Could I have intervened earlier? Certainly. Would it have made a difference? I don’t know.


I just know we are so vulnerable. Life and records can be demolished in a matter of minutes.


What endures is the love that encompasses all.


Let me know how you are doing. I care.


Contemplation: Do you understand that we are precious? That we are vulnerable?

Sincerely,

Lynn Brooke


© 2023 Our New Chances

Photo Credit: © 2023 Rachel Gareau


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