How many hopes do all of us have when we first wake up in the morning, immediately after we get out of bed?
It seems the entire day is filled with hope, big hopes, little hopes, hopes that things happen, hope that things will not happen.
I hope the coupon items are not all sold out.
I hope the line to get tickets isn’t very long.
I hope I don’t run out of gas today.
I hope the dog remembers where she is supposed to go potty.
I hope I win the jackpot.
I hope so and so likes my new haircut.
I hope my dinner turns out.
I hope I didn’t get the flu or Covid.
I hope, I hope, I hope.
What happens if these hopes don’t materialize? Do we experience disappointment, hurt and anger or do we become more resolved?
It seems that even with the most preposterous hope, there is just a tiny bit of disappointment when something doesn’t materialize. Do you hope to win the lottery? Do you hover in front of the TV waiting for the numbers to appear, one-by-one. Oh darn! Knowing the odds are as preposterous as our hopes doesn’t dispel our dreams. After all, someone has to win, or maybe not.
I like to categorize. I put hopes and expectations on a scale of 1-10.
No hope equals 0-1.
What would wishful thinking be? Probably a 2 or 3.
High hopes may be an 8.
Certainty of outcome equals 10.
I think many factors determine what our hopes and outcomes will be.
Confidence: Of course it will turn out. (10)
Experience: I’ve seen or done this before.(10)
Preparation: Time spent in research and review of potential outcomes. (10)
Belief: In miracles and/or magic. (2)
History: Which can build confidence. (8)
Personality type. Some are just sunnier than others.(8)
Repeated failures. (0-1)
Sometimes there is just too much unrealistic thinking, and sometimes there is a lot of bad luck.
Those of us who have experienced tragic loss, such as the loss of our loved ones or the loss of our homes, may have a tendency to lose hope. This terrible thing has happened. We cannot hope it away and we cannot hope it was all a dream.
It is crucial to maintain hope, though. Without hope, there is despair.
Some maintain hope with a variety of inner or outer influences.
Religion.
Confidence built from experience.
Belief that people are basically good.
Belief that sometimes things work for the best.
Predetermination: It is meant to be.
Self-determination: The ability to do what is necessary for hopes to materialize.
Perseverance: Stubbornness of pursuit.
Hope.
Some choose not to hope, while others choose excuses for failure. Some persistently hang on to unrealistic expectations or choose evasive behaviors and strategies, as in denial. Some think the system is fixed. Some think they have been singled out for failure. Unfortunately, some become enmeshed in a downward spiral that takes outside intervention for remediation, to reawaken hope.
Also, unfortunately, some that have unrealistic hopes develop bitterness and self-pity or start out with self-pity as a ploy to undermine hopes and their lack of control over outcomes. They may mask disappointment and hurt in the guise of anger only to inadvertently take out their anger on others, such as looking for an opportunity for road rage or for things to be imperfect at home.
Some evaluate and place their hopes in perspective with reality. They maintain hope and adjust as circumstances dictate. Medical people have it drummed into them to never let clients lose hope, no matter how dismal their condition. There is always a cure, a chance of being able to walk unassisted across the room, of being able to maintain control over their circumstances or that new treatments will emerge.
Again, I think this is where courage enters into the equation. It takes courage to maintain confidence. It takes courage to have faith in oneself, to sort out reality, to have a back-up plan and to find goodness where it does exist. It takes courage to cast out those that undermine our integrity and wonderfulness.
The Crisis Intervention question: What did you do before? has credence in this instance. Yesterday’s news is a history of our behavior of coping, of maintaining faith and of hope.
I cannot hope all of my dreams will materialize each day. I attempt to categorize my hopes: What are the possibilities of fruition?
I’m not going to hope the ice cream at 97 cents is going to be available by the time I get to the store, but I do extend hope with complete confidence that some of my friends are going to contact me today, to fill me up with love.
I fantasize I am going to place Alone Goose with Like Kind.
Let me know how you are doing. I care.
Contemplation: Do hopes and dreams materialize?
Sincerely,
Lynn Brooke
© 2023 Our New Chances
Photo Credit: © 2023 Rachel Gareau
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