Life lesson: We are not mind readers.
My neighbor and grief partner sold her house and has been packing all week. She said she is overwhelmed. It is a large house and she and her husband lived there several years.
She ended up being pressured to close the sale by accepting a three-week escrow. It was impossible to clear her house in that amount of time, except by a wind storm blowing it over.
Her daughter-in-law and son came in on their spring break and have been helping her. She is so grateful. Her daughter-in-law gave her specific tasks and organized her. First was to clear out the bathroom, then clear out another room. She said it is what has kept her from falling apart.
Her family had to go back to their home in another state, so a different crew was scheduled to come in to help. Other children and grandchildren were supposed to be coming to help pack and take what items they would like, rather than making countless trips to the charity organization.
She asked if there were any items or tools I would like, so I went over to peruse the garage. It was overwhelming to me. I kept waiting for others to show up. No one came.
I had the garage. It was obvious no one was coming to help and she had to get things cleared out. I started sorting at one end, using my best guess at what to salvage. It was easier for me to sort than them as I had no emotional connection to the items.
My grief partner said her grandson found her son crying in the garage last week. She hadn’t thought that this would be as hard on him as it is for her. It may be too much for any of them to face.
I have no idea what my family’s reaction has been to my spouse's death. I’ve been so wrapped up in my own grief that I haven’t considered them. I had no traditional funeral, so there was no specified time and place to gather.
I haven’t been together with any of my family to really share our grief. My spouse was an integral part of my biological family’s life, as we were together 50 years. We were accepted and respected by my family, but distance and work prevented visits and keeping in touch. We really didn’t have much in common.
None of them said anything at my spouse’s passing. There were no expressions of grief. Very few sent condolence cards, and those were from unexpected relatives, like my brother’s ex-wife.
The grief exhibited by my grief partner’s family was quite an awakening for me.
Did my immediate family experience a similar grief? Did they think it was a good thing, because of the illness? I have no idea.
Perhaps I should ask them.
Let me know how you are doing. I care.
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Photo Credit: © 2023 Rachel Gareau
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