Life lesson: Experience the pain to be healed.

I have a friend who is having surgery today. She is having a knee replacement. This knee has been a source of pain for quite some time. The cushion between the joints has disintegrated and there is bone on bone contact with every step she takes. It is a very painful condition to be living with as every step she takes results in physical pain.
I have another friend who has the same condition. She has informed me she’s not going to have a knee replacement. She gets injections every little while, which is an artificial pad. It relieves the pain, but doesn’t last very long in the overall picture.
This friend has decided she is going to endure pain for the rest of her life, slow torture. My other friend is going to have the surgery and the surgical pain that goes along with it. It is reported to be extremely painful with metal rods jammed into the core of bone resulting in bone pain.
This and these conditions have caused alternatives in their lifestyles. While neither has totally curtailed their activities, they have had to seriously adjust themselves when it comes to mobility.
These are hard decisions these women face. This is elective surgery. With any surgery there are risks. Just undergoing the procedure places them in a situation where there is known pain versus pain amount unknown, but the existing pain level and the desire to be able to eventually walk without pain provides positive motivation for the surgery.
This is physical pain. The medical personnel ask for a judgment of pain level from one to 10. Having a 10 is no fun, therefore they want to treat it. They don’t want people to have pain.
There is another kind of pain the medical personnel frequently do not assess, which is emotional pain. Can you imagine how devastating an emotional pain level of 10 is?
In the past, I left my emotionally supportive family and moved out of state. I moved into a different state and culture where I didn’t know anyone. I did it to advance my education. What a shock to experience the resulting loneliness. The accompanying emotional pain was so severe it was almost overwhelming. I eventually got through it by keeping busy. The educational requirements devoured a lot of time. I did meet new people and was able to meld into a different culture, but memories remain. The scars of that pain still exist.
This type of pain is hidden pain. Outsiders have no idea what is going on inside of us. Those of us experiencing this have to mask it in various ways. Some are acceptable behaviors, like soldiering on in spite of the pain. Some are self-destructive behaviors, such as over-drinking. Outsiders have no tolerance for consistent, persistent, displays of emotional pain. The consequences, as with any loss, result in a grief reaction, where emotional expressions are muted and lack of joy results. Who wants to be around a deadbeat?
Now, many years later, the loss of my loved one has thrust me into another episode of extreme emotional pain. With emotions, especially the negative ones, ignoring and not experiencing the pain, hiding, results in an encapsulated cauldron. With another similar loss, the cauldron barriers seem to evaporate. The previous pain is heaped upon the new one. The resulting pain is overwhelming. It has to be experienced to be resolved. The treatment is to feel it.
Who has the courage to do so? Wouldn't it be easier to have the knee surgery, and it would be over with, resolving the problem? In either event, it is critical to go through the pain. To come through it with new capabilities.
As one attempts to re-enter life, this pain is present. This is one of the tasks and it is not an easy task. I send my acknowledgment of your situation and resultant pain if you are one of the ones attempting to re-enter life. I am on the journey with you.
Let me know how you are doing. I care.
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Photo Credit: © 2023 Rachel Gareau
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